Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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