I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
