I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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