I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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