i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
