Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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