Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize