Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
