Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
