I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
