there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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