Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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