I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
