So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
