I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't put those talents on a resume
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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