so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
