She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
