I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
