So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sext me about skeletons
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
