My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
