new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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