So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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