I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
