You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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