But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
