I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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