If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
