Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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