That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
