He is such a slut. More and more my type.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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