Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
