You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
