Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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