It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
