I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
