fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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