Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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