Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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