my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
