I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
