Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
