yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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