I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
