i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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