so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize