I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
