so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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