is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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