I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
