I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
