I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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