the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
