I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
