Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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