Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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