I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
