you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
