eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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