I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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