and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Bring me that man meat
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
