just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
