but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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