chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
