happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
