We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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