btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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