already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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