I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize