Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
