Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
