I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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