There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
