I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize