come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
