Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
