i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
