Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
